Tis' The Season: Day 24

Today's Topic: The Eve of Eve's

It's almost Christmas Day, the apex of the Christmas season. Today's a day of expectation, the day where kids begin to go nuts, churches light candles and sing hymns, and parents stay up late piecing together a Moonbase Space Station play set that may lose it's interest value in less than a week. Note to parents: keep the box those big toys came in. Kids love boxes. They will turn it into a racecar, an army bunker, or a much cooler Moonbase Space Station than the one that was previously stored inside it. One that runs not on plutonium, but the wonderous, limitless imagination of a child (cue grandiose fluorish of strings and Gene Wilder emerges as Willy Wonka with a peaceful smile). Of course if the child is female, she will turn the box into all these same things, just make them pink. A pink Moonbase. Pretty much an easy target for aliens to make fun of. Oh well.

As you stay up late this Christmas Eve to piece together that Moonbase, wrap extra presents, or fight off expectation of the next morning so you can get to sleep (just to wake up the next morning and body check a kid out of the way so you can get to the Moonbase first), feel this virtual Christmas hug sent to you from me. Uh oh, looks like we're standing under some virtual mistle toe....heh, yeah...sooooo....WHOA! back off! At least give me some warning!

If you're finding yourself sluggish from too much egg nogg and yule log and need a pick me up, check out this link Sam Boyd sent me where you can pimp out a nutcracker doll. And this SNL video skit. It's very funny. That should work for your holiday blues.


Merry Christmas to all, and Happy Holidays. Joy to the World!

Tis' The Season: Day 23

Today's Topic: Striaght Outta Orient Are

Christmas is close. The three wisemen are well into their journey, in search of the new King to bring him gifts and worship him. But they took a different route to the stable this year on their search, even making a stop at 109th St. between Broadway and Amsterdam Ave - which, fifteen years ago, was rumored to be the cocaine capital of the world. Being wise kings, one stayed outside as a lookout:




















Wise choice. He better put that frankincense out of sight if he doesn't want to get jacked.

Tis' The Season: Day 22

Today's Topic: Last Minute Gift Ideas

It's three days from Christmas and time is running out to finish your shopping. Still don't know what to get so-and-so for their last or even first gift? Don't freak out, you can do it. If you're strapped for cash and don't have a lot of time, here are some ideas:

Grab any CD or DVD in recipient's home and re-wrap it. When they open it, quickly ask, "Do you already have that? I feel like you do for some reason. Well, you can always return it...".

Fruitcake. If you can't find any, press bread, spackle, wood putty, and shiny plastic jewels together to form a loaf. Recipient probably won't eat it anyway, and if they do, it'll taste about the same.

An interpretative dance. It's memorable, free, and after you do it they won't ask any questions, either out of confusion or fear.

Front row tickets to U2 next time they come in town. There is NO WAY you'll score these even if you try, so promise big, because you'll be off the hook later. Throw in backstage passes and a starring role in an iPod commercial with Bono while you're at it.

Free newspapers. Every town has their own Spectator, Village Voice, or About Town. Grab five or six of those and tie a bow around them. You can comment on the fabulous article about the local silkscreener, and about all the fun things listed inside the two of you could do one weekend.

A long, slow kiss (not suitable for members of immediate family, significant others of friends, or co-workers (unless you're going for a promotion)).

A gift certificate. To a movie night. At your house. With pizza. They they bring.

A box labelled 12 Year Old Scotch. Inside the box is this picture:




















Look at them seriously, squarely in the eye. "I hope you're ready for your gift: I'm going to let you release the guilt you hold for not holding up your end of the relationship." When they look puzzled reply, "I know. You don't have to say anything. I brought tissues too."

A paper certificate that reads, "Tickets to the Gun Show". Then flex and make exploding sounds.

Tell recipient, "I know how hard you've worked to make this holiday enjoyable for all of us, and I know you need some rest. So I'm giving you the gift of silence: peace and quiet," and then refuse to speak anymore. If recipient questions gift, only say, "Shhhhhh...enjoy it, be good to yourself."

Walk in room with toy rocket taped to end of foot and shout, "Merry Christmas!! Mistletoe! Get it!? Get it!?" Commence roundhouse kicks towards recipient's face and everytime you get close, lean in and kiss relentlessly.

Tis' The Season: Day 21

Today's Topic: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Today is the second audio post of Tis' The Season, this time a group effort of myself and two friends warming your heart with the holiday treat: "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" done by mouth trumpet. Believe it or not, the arrangement was done on the fly, COMPLETELY IMPROV. I know, I know. Not many bigger miracles than this.

Tis' The Season: Day 20 Redux

Today's Topic: Christmas Carols
In an effort to give the people what they want, here's another post for
Day 20.

For Halloween, I found a site to tell me what costume to wear. The results weren't satisfying. Now I've found a site that tells you what your Christmas song is after gathering a little (very little) info about you. After admitting that I was "Nice" (instead of "Naughty" - hey it was a good year) this year and that I used Blogger, I was prescribed my Christmas song.

One problem: My "Christmas" song isn't even a Christmas song. It's not even just a Winter song associated with Christmas, or an unrelated hymn sometimes sung at Christmas. It's "The Chanukah Song". I don't want to get into a huge fight over Christmas semantics, and don't want to bash Chanukah either. I even like "The Chanukah Song", originally performed by Adam Sandler on SNL. I just think there's a little contradiction when the Christmas Carol Generator 3000 reads back to you, "Your Christmas Song Is: The Chanukah Song!" I can't wait to check up on this website in a couple months to read, "Your Summer Anthem is: Winter Wonderland!"

Also take note of the message after the lyrics: "You're wacky, offbeat, and irreverent. And you may not celebrate Christmas at all." How about, "You're JEWISH"?! That's why most people celebrate Chanukah! I'm sure there are some wacky and offbeat Chanukah celebrators, but they probably don't celebrate just because they're "wacky". If that was the case, Hollywood would hold an annual Chanukah party hosted by Bobcat Goldwaith and Carrot Top. Maybe it's just deductive reasoning. "Hmmm, wacky, offbeat, and may not celebrate Christmas at all? Who does that sound like....Jerry Stiller, John Stewart? Seinfeld! Chanukah!!"

Not that Christmas and Chanukah are complete opposites, they're just sort of apples and oranges. I do have a friend who celebrates both Christmas and Chanukah. He's a Christian Jew, and I'm sure he could find some great interwoven ties in Christmas and Chanukah. (They both start with a "C", there's one.) Although, he is a bit wacky and offbeat, so that explains it....

Your Christmas Song Is

The Chanukah Song O.J. Simpson Still not a jew But guess who is, The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo You're wacky, offbeat, and irreverent And you may not celebrate Christmas at all

What Christmas Carol Are You?

Tis' The Season: Day 20

Today's Topic: Whether Rain, Sleet, Or Snow....

The holidays are peak travel times. People travel, gifts travel, Christmas cards travel, even the three wisemen travelled back in the day at Christmas Episode I. Things get around.

Today, there was a transit strike in Manhattan. At 5:00 AM this morning, after failed overnight negotiations with the Metropolitan Transit Authority and city officials, the Transit Workers' Union threw down the gauntlet and transit workers all over the city walked off the job. No subways, no buses.















Get ready to lose a few pounds and walk a few miles

I awoke at 6:30 AM (after a strange dream about a pit bull showing up at a party at a public park and setting everyone on edge because we all knew that pit bull would attack us at any moment) to my alarm blasting out the radio. It is set to a spanish radio station. I checked the New York Times' website and saw that the strike went down. Then I went back to bed hitting snooze every 9 minutes for 2 hours. After the ninth time my alarm went off, I decided it'd be smart to change the channel to an English speaking station I could understand to hear what was going on with the strike and the morning commute.

I got a voicemail from my roommate: "Put on your walking shoes and don't plan on taking a cab to work...there's crazy traffic out here. And you may want to bring a camera."















Fellow Walkers - Note the news trucks in the picture

I live at 108th St. on the west side of town. I usually take the subway to work...no, ALWAYS take the subway to work. Because I don't want to walk to 42nd St. on the east side of town, where I work. But not this morning. Like all other New Yorkers, I was walking.

The last time there was a strike was 1980. People got to work however they could. I love this picture taken during that strike, it's a guy in a business suit rollerskating through traffic to get to work (I can't find it, if anyone can let me know).

So I got dressed and got ready to go, and then realized, "This is kinda fun. I get to go in late to work and get to walk all through the city." I thought of the picture of Rollerskate Businessman. In proud tribute, I grabbed my skateboard headed downtown. There were tons of people everywhere and police directing traffic. Cars couldn't go further downtown than 96th St. unless they had no less than four people in them.

I skated and walked on my 66ish block commute, and it was awesome. I skated down sidestreets, through Central Park, and down Park Avenue. I even managed to do a little ollie (read: 2 inches high) over a cable in the street as I was en route. Best of all, I got to live a fantasy of being in Manhattan, going to work in the busy rush, and getting to skateboard there through the streets. My fellow commuters watched as I rode by down the streets. I only wish I could've done a kickflip boardslide down a fifteen stair rail on the way and kept going, right past a coffee stand where I'd hold out my hand and snatch a coffee and bagel and throw some money on the cart's counter yelling, "Keep the change bro!" and then turn and flash a smile at the camera as Christian Slater rolled up beside me and said "Man you really gleam the cube!".

The morning even made my office job seem cooler, coming in to hang up my coat and put my skateboard in the coat closet. I am the new Michael J. Fox.















Strike Commute Transportation

In the midst of all this, one man, without a skateboard or rollerskates also remained faithful. When I was washing dishes about to leave my apartment, I heard the doorbell ring. "Coming!" I yelled, to which it rang about four more times. "The postman always rings twice" - in our neighborhood, he rings 7 or more times regardless if you acknowledge you're there or not. I opened the door and saw him there - the faithful postman, out early to do his job, handing me a package. I thanked him and he flew off, his cape in the wind - wait, no he just walked down the stairs - and I opened the box to see a bow and small present from my aunt and uncle, my first one of Christmas '05 so far. Whether rain, sleet, snow, or transit strike, the postman delivers Christmas.

Tis' The Season: Day 19

Today's Topic: Joy To The World

I got a list of holiday greetings in several different languages. Some look "friendly" to my simple American English. Others....mind blowing. Let's take a look.

French: Joyeux Noël Et Heureuse Année or Joyeux Noël Et Bonnee Année
Easy enough, I took French in high school and college.

Argentina: Feliz Navidad Y Prospero Año Nuevo
Pretty close to Spanish, and I've heard it in lots of holiday songs.

Brazilian: Feliz Natal E Prospero Ano Novo
Gettin' a little further from home....does "Natal" have to do with the Baby Jesus? Hmm...

Italian: Buon Natale E Felice Anno Nuovo or Buon Natale E Felice Capodanno
Ok...see some romance language similarities. I think one of those words is the name of a pastry.

Catalan: Bon Nadal I Feliç Any Nou
Whoa! Ok, still close. "Any Nou" sounds like a question phrase I would say if I were in Catalan looking for transit. "Excuse me sir.....uhh....Any Nouuuu? Darn, I don't think he's understanding me...."

Chinese (Cantonese): Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun Sing Dan Fai Lok
No idea. Let's try a different approach.

Chinese (Mandarin): Kung His Hsin Nien Bing Chu Shen Tan Sheng Dan Kuai Le
Much better. Makes perfect sense now.

Czech: Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce A Stastny Novy Rok
No relation to anything I've seen before, other than the presence of letters. Further proof to me that Czech is impossible to understand. Although "Novy Rok" sounds like the title of an 80's Russian metal band that would've opened for The Scorpions.

Bulgarian: Chestita Koleda Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo Tchestita Nova Godina
Nope. "Nova Godina" sang for "Novy Rok" I believe.

Dutch (Netherlands): Prettig Kerstfeest
I'm pretty sure this is just a Dutch compliment for "I enjoyed your festival." "Prettig Kerstfeest!" "Me too! Come again next year!"

Estonian: Roomsaid Joulu Phui Ja Uut Aastat
"What did Room say? I can't believe that, what nerve."

Gaelic (Irish): Nolag Mhaith Dhuit Agus Bliain Nua Fe Mhaise
Gaelic (Scot): Nollaig Chridheil Agus Bliadhna Mhath Ur
Gaelic (pronounced "Gah-lick", per Sam Boyd) culture has a cool history, filled with things that remind me of what Braveheart looked like. Still, their language, completely unintelligible to me. Except "Nolag". I could get down with that word.

Greek: Kala Khristougena Kai Eftikhes To Neon Ethos
"Neon Ethos" refers to a new designer fragrance for men, just in time for Christmas 05'.

Iraqi: Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Wait a sec, Christmas is NOT about any kind of holy war....ohhhh, that says "JADIDAH". Right.

Hindi (India): Shubh Christmas
That's cheating, India.

Danish: Glaedelig Jul
I think this is a Dutch greeting for Independence Day.

German: Frohe Weihnachten Und Ein Glückliches Neues Jahr or Fröhliche Weihnachten Und Ein
Although cordial, I bet this sounds tough as nails in German, as most things do.

Rapa-Nui (Easter Island): Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi
Wrong holiday guys. Your time comes in April.

And my favorite greeting...
Norse (Danish): Gledlig Jul Og Godt Nytt Aar
Because it's Norse. Probably spoken by a 7 foot tall guy on a horse wearing a helmet with horns, and eating something raw.

Merry Christmas.

Tis' The Season: Day 18

Today's Topic: Secret Santa

It's one week before Christmas and it's December's official weekend of holiday parties. So I got you a gift. It's ok if you didn't bring one, you can participate in the gift exchange. Christmas is the season of giving and I am more than happy and excited to give you this. What is it? Shake it, shake it....what do you think? NO! That's not even out on DVD yet, plus season two of Desperate Housewives was lame compared to the first one. Still don't know? Ok, here you go...















MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Last night, while discussing musical super genius and all around awesome artist Sufjan Stevens with a friend, he asked if I'd heard the Sufjan Stevens Christmas albums. "What?? NO!!" Despite getting home from my shift at the theater at 3:30 AM last night, I rushed online to download them and am now happy to pass them along to you - three Christmas album projects of original and traditional songs played by Sufjan Stevens.

If you're familiar with Sufjan, you understand this is ONE OF THE BEST GIFTS I COULD GIVE YOU! And if you're not, click on the link, download all three albums, and prepare to enjoy some of the sweetest, most heartfelt and sincere, most creative music you've heard in a while - Christmas-themed just in time for the holidays. These albums were never released for sale as of yet and have seen distribution through blogs and fans of the multi-instrumentalist leader of the Michigan Militia and the Illinoise Makers, Sufjan Stevens. So if you're worried about stealing music off the internet, no need to fret - you can't buy these anywhere now and they're meant to downloaded and enjoyed. The files are available as .Zip files for each album. There's also a track by track site if you prefer to download one at a time - but honestly, IT'S CHRISTMAS - love yourself and download all three albums in their entirety.

Some of my favorite tracks thus far (a mere 20 hours after downloading the albums) are "It's Christmas! Let's Be Glad!", "We're Goin' To The Country!", "Put The Lights On The Tree!", "Come On! Let's Boogey To The Elf Dance!", and "That Was The Worst Christmas Ever!". If you want to hear more of Sufjan's music, head over to his record label site, Asthmatic Kitty, where you can listen to songs and pick up his albums.

Merry Christmas! Enjoy the gift, don't let anyone steal it from you in the gift exchange and give you a stupid Starbucks card.

Tis' The Season: Day 17

Today's Topic: Christmas Marketing

Rare photo of Santa with his Marketing Director Blair Richards discussing this year's hot gifts for 11 year old girls.

Tis' The Season: Day 16

Today's Topic: Even The Beasts Rejoice

Merry Christmas from Splotchy, circa 2004, wearing her Christmas scarf.

Tis' The Season: Day 15

Today's Topic: Run, Run Rudolph

When Christmastime comes, every deer gets excited for the famous reindeer. Click here to hear this Florida deer's story.

(If you can't view the file, check out the related article. Watch that video if you can. That deer really wanted a smoothie or something.)

Tis' The Season: Day 14

Today's Topic: Calling Home for Christmas

I've been experimenting with different media and blogging. On the way to the NJ Nets vs. Charlotte Bobcats game tonight I posted this Christmas song via cell phone. Enjoy.

Tis' The Season: Day 13

Today's Topic: Holiday Gift Shopping

What do you get the person who has everything? You can't get them the practical, they already own the practical, and all the hottest trends as well. Do you buy a gag gift, or the old standby - a gift card? Or search and search for something they definitely don't have, something they'd never buy for themself? But, aren't extra "things" just bulk to clutter up the house? After the holidays, the person who has everything, really does have everything because now they have the wacky gifts they wouldn't have bought for themself, plus the everything they had before. Now they've gotta lug these things around like a ball and chain of yuletide novelty.

J. Crew.com has a holiday gift guide including a whole page of items for the person who has everything. Here's what they suggest:




















If you're gonna give that ball and chain, you might as well go all out I suppose.

Tis' The Season: Day 12

Today's Topic: Doin' The Funky Chicken With Your Boss

This week, this:

















Will transform into this:













That's right, this week I will experience a rite of passage every cubicle lemming of Corporate America gets to experience at the holidays: the Office Christmas Party. At least I thought I would get to. But this weekend I realized I double booked myself and am going to a NJ Nets vs. Charlotte Bobcats game with the UNC Black Alumni Club (and I think the entire party going to the game is white...interesting...wonder if Vince Carter will be surprised to see us).
I'm a little bummed because as much as I was dreading the office party, I started to get excited about singing "Everybody's Working For The Weekend" at the karaoke station and dedicating it to my hard charging office mates.

All the same, it'll probably be more fun to see this:













rather than this:

Tis' The Season: Day 11

Today's Topic: SCUBA CLAUS!!!














Kentucky is adding some Christmas flare to one of its aquariums. Through the Christmas season, schoolchildren can come and see Santa and his elf helper Snowflake underwater, IN A SHARK TANK. Check out the full article here, but below are some of my favorite quotes:

'Calvin Freeman, age 4, has a question for Scuba Santa. "Do you only have nice sharks in there?" Calvin asks, pointing to a toothy, 270-pound tiger shark swishing past Santa's underwater sleigh. "Because some sharks chew people's legs off. They're bad sharks."'

'To avoid being eaten, Santa takes several precautions. He checks his arms and legs before each show to be sure he has no open, bleeding cuts.' (It makes me wonder if Santa usually has open bleeding cuts...."Ho Ho Hoooooo!? I'm bleeding again. Dang it.")

'Once in the water he keeps his hands close to his body and makes no sudden moves; if Santa were to wave quickly, a passing shark could mistake his flopping, white-gloved hand for a wounded fish. The subsequent interaction would no doubt prove emotionally scarring for the dozens of children in the audience.'

'"Help me out, kids," said Santa. "What do you think I should get the jellyfish for Christmas?"
"Peanut butter!" said Alex Covington, 3.
"That's a good idea!" Santa said. "Now, what do you think I should get for my sea turtle friend here, Denver?"
"An underwater crossbow!" yelled Calvin Freeman.'

Tis' The Season: Day 10

Today's Topic: 2005 Hot Gift Ideas

Extreme Home Makeover - Face Edition (Ty Pennington/Revlon Partership)

Britney Spears Baby Collection "Oops, I Did It Again" Diapers

Griffin iNarnia - miniature wardrobe that plugs into iPod and transports listerner to Narnia with playlist of their choice

Abercrombie and Fitch Winter bikini sweaters for Women

Abercrombie and Fitch Winter snowglobe medallion for Men (to be worn on shirtless male chest)

Podworks iMinora - snycs to unknown 15 gigabyte hard drive for 8 continuous days of music

Tony Hawk's Scabfest!!! by Activision (Extreme video game involving only wrecks and slams)

Griffin iAslan - heroic lion that rescues listener trapped in Narnia, with playlist of their choice

Red Nose - 24 oz. Extreme Flying Reindeer Holiday Drink

Tis' The Season: Day 9

Today's Topic: Holiday Picture #356

Earlly photo of Frosty with his one-time touring partner, Guard "Grumpsalot" F. Sugarplums. Before Frosty went solo and had his hit song and cartoon made after him.

Tis' The Season Day 7 and Day 8 - Double Edition

Friends, Sorry I missed yesterday as I was out sick. Pretty much writhing all day and throwing up (sorry to get graphic). Although, it reminded me of a comment I heard from a co-worker the other day who wasn't ready for all the holiday cheer and decorations yet, and that leads us to the make-up post for yesterday.

Yesterday's Topic: Holiday Decorating

Female Co-Worker: "It looks like Santa threw up outside."

I think this is what she meant:














Well, I'm glad Santa's throw up is a little prettier than mine, and I think his doesn't involve dry heaving, so that's a plus for the fat man.


Today's Topic: Santa

Remember when you first found out Santa wasn't real (if you're young and reading this blog...uh, wait, he is real, he's totally real, I'm talking about Saaantana, the guitar guy...he's a fake, totally made up, actually, he's really Hendrix, just after Jimi faked his death and had an ethnicity transplant)? I remember, I think I was in first grade. A sunday school teacher had told us at church that he wasn't real and that mommy and daddy were lying to us, which I think is a little lame to tell a bunch of kids that, personally. I think his logic was that after our childhood idols of the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny were also unmasked as phonies like Santa, eventually we'd disbelieve our parents when they told us God was real. We'd say, "Yeah, just like Santa!? Whatever Dad, I'm gettin' on my motorcycle and takin' off...Santa, God, they're all the same! Whatever! Yoooouuu liiiiied!!!" (screeching tires and wheelie noise follow)
But I also remember some kids told me in line at lunch. I came home and asked my mom and I think she finally broke the news to me after I pressed her on the issue. In a fit of dramatic rage I remember throwing some scissors down and saying, "What about the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny? And God too!?" (So maybe the teacher was right....) I distinctly remember doing that to be dramatic and hoped for a dramatic TV-like response like, "No, God is real! We're sorry, don't be upset! Hurrah, Christmas is saved!!" But instead, she did what any good parent would do to a kid that had just freaked out and thrown a cutting tool across the room and said, "Listen mister, you better pick up those scissors, I don't know what's gotten into you...". Things ended up great, Santa actually came to visit us that year at a Christmas party, and we got presents from Santa that Christmas and all the way until present day in my life. And we don't ask any questions. Here's a picture of Santa holding a cat from a funny website StuffOnMyCat.com.

Tis' The Season: Day 6

Today's Topic: HO HO HO!















VS.



















Who will win? Who said it first? YOU DECIDE!!!


Others runners up for this contest were:













Ho Ho of the Hostess gang, seen here with other gang members Ding Dong, Twinkie, and Cup Cake holding a milk bottle hostage;
















Lion-O of Thundercats that would let out a loud, but only single "Hoooooo!";
















The infamous D-O-Double-G, Snoop Doggy Dogg, who regularly references Pimps, Players, and what else - Ho's - but not really in the way of Christmas spirit. He does look ultra Christmas-jiggy in this nice Santa hat though.

Tis' The Season: Day 5

Today's Topic: Christmas Memories

The holidays always bring back precious memories. Just saying that makes me remember when I got a mullet wig for Christmas last year.

Tis' The Season: Day 4

Today's Topic: SNOW!!!




















This morning marks the first snow of the season in NYC! I woke up this morning and looked out the window to see a small white blanket on cars and the street. What a great feeling. That's something I'm happy about - meeting the new day with a fresh blanket of snow.

I would also be happy to walk out one new day and meet Snow:



















Inforrrmer......youknowsaydaddymesnowmeIgoblaaame...Ilickyboomboomdown!

(For anyone not remembering, read more about Snow, the 90's rap/reggae artist here. If you listened to Snow in the 90's, read more about what you were probably wearing here.)

Tis' The Season: Day 3

Today's Topic: Salute To Holiday Food

When you put another food with cake, great things happen. Ice cream+ cake = yumminess. German Chocolate + cake = yum, better than both. And the Christmas solution, fruit (sooooo good) + cake (sooooooo good at any occasion) =








Hmmmmm.....maybe the bottom of the cake food chain? But possibly the most valiant survivor in the cake world. If you left a Red Velvet Cake and a Fruitcake in a harsh environment, who would survive the longest? The fruitcake, hands down. The Fruitcake is probably the least desirable in the cake world, and doesn't add anything to Cake's existance. In fact, it may be a detriment to Cake all together, bringin' down the good name of Cake. Still it's the best survivor of all Cake, being shipped around the world each Christmas, sometimes two and three Christmases in a row as a "re-gift".

Lowest on the food chain, yet strongest survivor - here's to Fruitcake, the cockroach of the Cake world.

Tis' The Season: Day 2

Today's Topic: Celebrities At Christmas

I heard of King Diamond in middle school. He was the heavy metal lead singer for Mercyful Fate and he painted his face and hit high notes. Back then I was a little afraid of heavy metal and then I got older and realized that most of their talk of darkness and evil was all for scary marketing and it was just pretty funny that men would talk about, "Late at night, when the smoke billoooows, and the dragon emerges agaaaiiin! THE DRAGON, IS IN, THE, NIIIIIIIIIGGGGHHT!!!!"
However, King Diamond is an actual Satanist. Now I think that fake heavy metal darkness talk is as funny as anyone (actually, I think it's funnier than most people), but when someone has Satanism as a part of their daily lives, it's a little disturbing. I mean, what do these people do? Do they try to be evil? Are they mean? Well, King Diamond is merciless. Especially at Christmas.....absolutely merciless:




















NO PRESENTS FOR CHRISTMAS!!! NONE!!! ARRGGHH!!! WHY!? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!!? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! AND PLEEEAASE.....LET GO OF RUDOLPH!!!!

King Diamond is the real deal. Only someone dead serious would be that mean on Christmas.

Tis' The Season: Day 1

Today began the first day of Advent. Advent is basically the preparation for Christmas in which you observe certain things and remembrances to prepare you and remind of the Nativity of Christ, i.e., Christmas. There's a much better definition here at Wikipedia - which by the way, Wikipedia is AWESOME.

So in honor and by inspiration of Advent, thus begins the 24 day period of regular posting right here on this blog. That's right, a new one each day with something Christmas related.

Today's topic: travel at the holiday season. I've rarely been in the position to travel on Christmas. Besides coming home from college, a mere 2 1/2 hour trip back home, I only had one year where I had big time holiday travel, from Montana, which included a 10 hour drive to catch a plane in Colorado, 3 hours sleep in Denver, being briefly stranded in the airport, only to be rebooked at another airport closeby.

This year I won't be at home for Christmas but travelling to Connecticut to my sisters' where we'll have a family rendezvous for the big day. I'm excited for a northern Christmas, and to be around NYC at Christmas time. I am a little sad to not see my house or my dog for Christmas and to not get to see friends back home. There's something nice about coming home for Christmas that I'll miss out on this year. However, there is one thing I won't miss coming home for Christmas this year, and it's running into these holiday travellers coming home for the holidays:

The Christmas Season Is Upon Us All

This morning as I was waiting on the subway to go to work, I saw a rat scamper across the tracks with half a donut in his mouth. HALF A DONUT!!! It was about a third the size of his body.

This can only mean one thing: The Christmas season is here and goodness and generosity skips no one! Even the rat. When you're doing your Christmas shopping, spend a couple extra bucks this year on your local vermin. They deserve Christmas too.
















Except roaches. They deserve death and that's it.