Tis' The Season: Day 22
Today's Topic: Last Minute Gift Ideas
It's three days from Christmas and time is running out to finish your shopping. Still don't know what to get so-and-so for their last or even first gift? Don't freak out, you can do it. If you're strapped for cash and don't have a lot of time, here are some ideas:
Grab any CD or DVD in recipient's home and re-wrap it. When they open it, quickly ask, "Do you already have that? I feel like you do for some reason. Well, you can always return it...".
Fruitcake. If you can't find any, press bread, spackle, wood putty, and shiny plastic jewels together to form a loaf. Recipient probably won't eat it anyway, and if they do, it'll taste about the same.
An interpretative dance. It's memorable, free, and after you do it they won't ask any questions, either out of confusion or fear.
Front row tickets to U2 next time they come in town. There is NO WAY you'll score these even if you try, so promise big, because you'll be off the hook later. Throw in backstage passes and a starring role in an iPod commercial with Bono while you're at it.
Free newspapers. Every town has their own Spectator, Village Voice, or About Town. Grab five or six of those and tie a bow around them. You can comment on the fabulous article about the local silkscreener, and about all the fun things listed inside the two of you could do one weekend.
A long, slow kiss (not suitable for members of immediate family, significant others of friends, or co-workers (unless you're going for a promotion)).
A gift certificate. To a movie night. At your house. With pizza. They they bring.
A box labelled 12 Year Old Scotch. Inside the box is this picture:
Look at them seriously, squarely in the eye. "I hope you're ready for your gift: I'm going to let you release the guilt you hold for not holding up your end of the relationship." When they look puzzled reply, "I know. You don't have to say anything. I brought tissues too."
A paper certificate that reads, "Tickets to the Gun Show". Then flex and make exploding sounds.
Tell recipient, "I know how hard you've worked to make this holiday enjoyable for all of us, and I know you need some rest. So I'm giving you the gift of silence: peace and quiet," and then refuse to speak anymore. If recipient questions gift, only say, "Shhhhhh...enjoy it, be good to yourself."
Walk in room with toy rocket taped to end of foot and shout, "Merry Christmas!! Mistletoe! Get it!? Get it!?" Commence roundhouse kicks towards recipient's face and everytime you get close, lean in and kiss relentlessly.
It's three days from Christmas and time is running out to finish your shopping. Still don't know what to get so-and-so for their last or even first gift? Don't freak out, you can do it. If you're strapped for cash and don't have a lot of time, here are some ideas:
Grab any CD or DVD in recipient's home and re-wrap it. When they open it, quickly ask, "Do you already have that? I feel like you do for some reason. Well, you can always return it...".
Fruitcake. If you can't find any, press bread, spackle, wood putty, and shiny plastic jewels together to form a loaf. Recipient probably won't eat it anyway, and if they do, it'll taste about the same.
An interpretative dance. It's memorable, free, and after you do it they won't ask any questions, either out of confusion or fear.
Front row tickets to U2 next time they come in town. There is NO WAY you'll score these even if you try, so promise big, because you'll be off the hook later. Throw in backstage passes and a starring role in an iPod commercial with Bono while you're at it.
Free newspapers. Every town has their own Spectator, Village Voice, or About Town. Grab five or six of those and tie a bow around them. You can comment on the fabulous article about the local silkscreener, and about all the fun things listed inside the two of you could do one weekend.
A long, slow kiss (not suitable for members of immediate family, significant others of friends, or co-workers (unless you're going for a promotion)).
A gift certificate. To a movie night. At your house. With pizza. They they bring.
A box labelled 12 Year Old Scotch. Inside the box is this picture:
Look at them seriously, squarely in the eye. "I hope you're ready for your gift: I'm going to let you release the guilt you hold for not holding up your end of the relationship." When they look puzzled reply, "I know. You don't have to say anything. I brought tissues too."
A paper certificate that reads, "Tickets to the Gun Show". Then flex and make exploding sounds.
Tell recipient, "I know how hard you've worked to make this holiday enjoyable for all of us, and I know you need some rest. So I'm giving you the gift of silence: peace and quiet," and then refuse to speak anymore. If recipient questions gift, only say, "Shhhhhh...enjoy it, be good to yourself."
Walk in room with toy rocket taped to end of foot and shout, "Merry Christmas!! Mistletoe! Get it!? Get it!?" Commence roundhouse kicks towards recipient's face and everytime you get close, lean in and kiss relentlessly.
posted by cory cavin @ 12:05 PM
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