I almost choked on my dinner at work because I was laughing so hard watching this.
It's not really the model that's funny (except for her oh-so-wobbly-stems...yep, I said 'stems'). It's the anchors that are losing it, which in turn, made me lose it. I'm sure if there was a video of me choking while watching this, those guys would laugh hysterically at that too.
I cut together this "highlight" reel of Jennifer Hudson and Jennifer Holliday, the original Dreamgirl from the play (who was seemingly determined to eradicate Jennifer Hudson with her vocal Jujitsu), from the BET Awards on Tuesday night. I watched this performance probably 5 times and was laughing out loud by myself in my office. Which is probably a creepy sound for the security guard who comes around about 2AM to check on everything on the mostly empty 6th floor of our building. My favorite moments are when Holliday's jaw goes into that cartoony sideways pose, like she's Wile E. Coyote that's just seen hot cartoon lady.
Here's a full post that they (they = Michelle, Senior Editor, funnylady, coworker) used the video for.
In other work news, I'm starting to like the taste of bitter, unsweetened coffee. The night job is getting its claws in me.
At work tonight I noticed a new French restaurant was added to our online delivery account. Being particularly in the mood for duck, crepes, and red wine (I was also wearing a kickin' beret), I decided to check out the menu. However, I think the Euro goes a lot further than my $20 expense account:
click on the image for a closer look
Because $2200 is a lot for a steak, even if it's all the way from gay Paris. Ok. Maybe this is a misprint. But this isn't.
Tonight at work I ordered delivery from a place called The Bread Factory. I went downstairs to pick up my order and as I signed my check I noticed the guy was wearing a pullover from The Laugh Factory. And as he walked away,I swear he had on a hat from The Cheesecake Factory.
As I turned to go upstairs and enjoy my meal, something made me turn back around.
"Hey man", I said. "I can't help but be curious about all your Factory gear and....Do I know you from somewhere?"
"Yeah. I used to lay some hard stuff down at another factory."
(Pause)
"Freedom?? Is that you?"
He stared me down hard.
"Yeah it's me. And that cafe au lait and large order of mixed berry crepes are gonna make you sweat."
And off he dashed through the revolving door into the night.
"Hmmmmmmmmmm", I thought. "That makes me go hmmmmmmmmm."
Easily the most interesting thing I saw this week:
While leaving work Monday I saw by a limo driver waiting to pick someone up from my work building. He was shaking mini-maracas and chair dancing in the front seat as he waited. Someone whom I share a work address with rides home with this man. And they were still in the building.
Note 1: Due to lack of mug washing, every time i take a sip of tea from my mug at work, I get a whiff of old tea and sour milk. It's like kissing an old British sailor every 3 1/2 minutes. "Tally Ho, James! Ok....back off."
Note 2: I watched a raw, uncut water birthing from footage from one of the maternity shows at work. I didn't realize it was raw, unedited footage until someone said, "Oh look, there's the head!". And then I realized, they don't put those shots on TV. Unless I am unknowingly working for very very different network than I thought.
Note 3: While watching footage of people experiencing fine dining , a man exlaimed, "I love the versatility of the crabcake!" I feel this man's excitement. If I could only find crabcakes versatile enough to match the widley varied occasions, my social circles, and outfits at my disposal, I'd be a happier man. All my crabcakes are so one-sided. I mean, my goodness - we can put 4 hours of video and 10,0000 songs in our pockets, but we can barely make a versatile crabcake. Weep for yourself, human race. Weep.
One of my current projects at work right now is updating the Human Resources Happenings bulletin board so people in the office will know we're doing lots of things. I'm sure my additions will not turn many heads for two reasons: #1.) No one sees the board. Due to its horribly inconspicuous location, the first time I'd seen the HR Happenings board in the four months I've worked at the office was the other day when someone walked me over to it and showed me - in an area I pass through everyday and have remained blind to said board up until now. Reason #2.) I work for a corporate construction company - most people here care only about building skyscrapers, chewing nails, and arm wrestling.
Still, designing the new "happenin's" for the board has been the most fun and fulfilling task I've worked on in my entire career with this job. It's a little easier to infuse some creativity into work while using a design powerhouse like Microsoft Word (Yay! Autoshapes!) than into a task like filing or data entry (I have tried to creatively do those while dancing Bollywood style, but have been shut down each time by co-workers -- racists). One of my creative challenges to myself for designing the board was to put a picture of a monkey on something because monkeys are, well, hilarious. I accomplished my goal in the first piece I finished, about an upcoming financial seminar we'll be hosting. Here's the basic gist:
Proud of my first efforts, I was inspired to find more pictures of monkeys on the internet (thought I was gonna say "inspired to design another flyer and do more work didn't ya? - wellllll, not yet.). Here's a sampling of what I found:
This monkey is smoking. The James Dean of monkeys. The coolest at the zoo.
A monkey pleased with a job well done. Probably taken years ago when monkeys only used typewriters.
Oh man. Stage monkey. Rock monkey. And in all truth, whatever this monkey is playing, it's probably better than any Puddle of Mudd song.
This monkey is afraid of the Euro and the ever growing formation of the EU. Or he may be shocked and embarassed about his bad sweater.
Monkey mistaking a wooden railing for a piano.
The monkey you picked on in high school. Well, that monkey invented Linux and is now married to a supermodel. Way to go dude. By the way, this monkey is also wearing a hoodie and a chain with his glasses. Just wanted to point that out.
Shhhh. It's ok. Be strong, Beagle. Be strong. Hey, I bet that guy behind us wishes he could be held by a monkey friend too. But you know what? I'm here for you. For you, Beagle. C'mon - let's go play outside. You can run and bark, and I'll screech and throw my own poop. You'll feel better.
LET GO OF MY DOG!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!
Score! They've got Dunston Checks In at Netflix! Okay, Monday night, don't make any plans....no, I don't care if Space Odyssey is more "dignified", Dunston is funny.
Oh man, monkeys are FUNNY. Seriously though, this picture is possibly the cutest picture I have ever seen. Stare at it for 10 seconds - it is impossible not to smile, tear up, and gorge yourself with a pint of Ben & Jerry's to drive away the adorableness of it.
C'MON. 10 SECONDS. JUST STARE. SOOOO CUTE. For more monkey fun, check out Super Bowl ad makers, CareerBuilder.com's website. Rob Douglas showed me this and it is genius. They have a monk-e-mail program where you can send talking monkey emails to your friends - or enemies. What better way to confuse an enemy than to send them a message from a monkey. And what better way to tell the love of your life you're completely devoted than to do it through a monkey. Pretty much, I think several world problems would go away if we used more monkey tactics. You can't take things so seriously that way. It's impossible. Really, think if every member of Congress was assigned a personal monkey to sit beside him or her in all meetings, just staring at the other deleagates (and monkey delegates). After a while, posturing, arguing, and fighting would be useless. Monkeys would be drinking water out of pitchers, scribbling on things, doing backflips, and doing that thing where they laugh and roll their lips back to show their teeth. Monkeys would make a stronger America. That's it, I'm starting my campaign. In 2008...
I have stared at this for hours. It's the interface for my editing system. I am working at my temp job during the day, coming home, collasping on the bed for 30 minutes, then editing videos for a client in NC. It is really late now, and I have to get up in an hour and a half to do this routine again. Right now, I feel like I am insane. Not like, "I'm insane because I'm pulling such wicked hours!", but more like, I feel like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. I am staring at the screen wide eyed and paranoid. In fact I can't believe I'm writing this right now. And, the left side of my body has a dull pain running from my shoulder and into my arm, and then my upper thigh is tingly and painful. So much that today it was starting to make me nauseous. I told my friend Peter about this and he said he knew the dull pain, so that was comforting. At least I don't have a new spontaneous stress disease, just good old fashioned rickets or shingles.
Really things aren't as bad as I'm making them out to be, I'm just really tired right now and do feel a bit nuts. Speaking of nuts, here's a crazy fact. The temp place where i work (which shall remain nameless to protect it and myself...let's just say it's called "Ank Of Omerica", wink wink....just kidding...no, it's really not that) has had a couple employees with some really interesting names. The kind you double-take at.
My three favorites: George Michael, James Fallon (I call him "Jimmy") and Michael Jackson. Maybe in a state of tired delerium tomorrow (or today, whatever) I'll saunter on up to the King of Pop himself and challenge him to a duel, Beat It style. "What's that Jacko? You wanna dance? Lemme introduce you to my team dance partner, and Sr. Accounts Manager, another employee here you know all about...Mr. Michael. WHAM!"
Hi, I'm Cory Cavin. I live in New York City and am an actor, comedian, writer, producer, and media maker. You can find out more about me at my website corycavin.com. My other blog is Uncle Moustache.
