Sweep The Leg Johnny!! Sweep The Leg!!!

BOO!














(This image courtesty of the Cobra Kai)

The Latin Invasion

Easily the most interesting thing I saw this week:

While leaving work Monday I saw by a limo driver waiting to pick someone up from my work building. He was shaking mini-maracas and chair dancing in the front seat as he waited. Someone whom I share a work address with rides home with this man. And they were still in the building.

Which brings me to one conclusion:

RICKY MARTIN IS STILL FOLLOWING ME.

Comrade Yellow

Boredom at work today helped invent the ruler of a new commonwealth.

Banana + boom mic wind screen = Comrade Yellow, the Soviet Banana.

Journals of Western Expansion - Unearthed!

Newest recipient of the "World's Greatest Dad" award, Miles "Kilo" Travis, is undertaking a great new project. In the year 2000, fresh out of paradise (aka, UNC-Chapel Hill), Miles and I took a road trip across the US and into British Columbia that eventually lead us to reside in Montana for one year where Miles met Brooklynne (newly elected "World's Greatest Mom" recipient, Southern region - not to be confused with the Northeastern region title holder, Ashley Holmberg, my sister and mother to my niece) and we deemed ourselves the new Lewis & Clark. We had a Geocities page that was a pre-cursor to a blog in those days, the online "Youth Gone Wild" journal, but that has since been deleted by the server. (Interweb!! Why do you torture me!? Blast you!!) Miles is taking video and journal entries from that year and posting a new entry from our year under the Big Sky every Monday. Check it out at his blog. I will do some guest posting there as well. Maybe our night in a South Dakota parking lot with tons of wild locals will make an uncensored appearance one day - interested? Keep checking Miles' blog the start of each week.

In a totally unrelated note, I just got done flossing with tutti-fruiti flavored dental floss, with seems to me a contradiction in terms. It was given to me by a friend in dental school, however the flavor makes me wonder if dental school isn't dental school at all but instead Clown College. My gums bled so much, like I had struck oil, but instead I was drilling with dental floss and the payoff was my own gum blood. Black (red?) gold, Texas Tea.

The Quotable Ocean

This morning on the way to work I heard a man discussing the bus route with his wife. When she complained that they'd have to walk further to their destination when they got off the bus, he responded, "Well sweetheart...When the going gets tough...the tough get going."

How can a man respond this way to his wife? No - I'm not referring to bland clichés. Our society is full of these and they aren't good - they destroy our originality every second (but what are you gonna do? Gotta keep on truckin'.). I'm more concerned that this man is using a different faulty vehicle for conversation...Billy Ocean lyrics.

Other poor examples of this interpersonal communication failure include:

(When solidifying a relationship that was once a tryst)
Hey girl..."No more love on the run." (This works best if the woman is of royalty and of the US Island region, thus, a Carribean Queen.)

(While encouraging an emotionally stilted man)
Don't worry George there's always hope..."There'll be sad songs to make you cry - love songs often do."

(Emphatically declaring your intentions of relationship to a lady)
Grace, I "Wanna be your lover lover uhmm, Wanna be your lover lover lover boy, Lover lover yeah, Wanna be your lover lover lover boy." Do you understand me?

(Confronting a witch that haunts you subconsciously in your sleep and and asking them to accompany you on a drive to straighten things out)
Esmerelda - I'm giving you an ultimatum - "Get out of my dreams and into my car."

PLEASE stop Billy Ocean Lyricism Conversations. Before someone pulls out a line from the 1989 #32 Billboard hit "License To Chill". ("Look I know I'm 15 miles over officer, but I've got a "license to chill" if you know what I mean...yeah, that's Billy Ocean. Oh, out of your dreams and into your car? No? Just into your car. Yes officer.)

Get A Plunger

I saw this sign was in the bathroom of a lovely NYC coffee shop. I refrained from stuffing paper towels down the bowl. However, it didn't stop me from stuffing other "inappropriate items":

A laugh at a funeral
White pants after Labor Day
A fat joke in front of my friend's overweight girlfriend
A question about salary to a stranger
Fart noises

Ha. That'll be clogged for days.

Great Reasons To Be Sitting at Work at 8:30 on a Friday Night in New York City

1. You're a stockbroker and while losing your 20's and early 30's to corporate devils, you are being paid handsomely.

2. You're an entertainer - Your job just began or won't begin for another 2-3 hours, so you're just getting your morning coffee/evening drink.

3. Your boss is not a boss, but a psycho and is holding you at gunpoint (not a pleasant reason, but a good excuse to sit tight and not make any sudden moves).

4. You're a nighttime sitting human statue.

5. You play the part of FDR in an early show of play and your stage entrance is exactly at 8:30 p.m. on Friday.

6. You're waiting for DVD's of a reality show to burn so they can be shipped to the entertainment capital of the world and have nothing better to do but make up lists and stare out the window at a bustling city - bustling without you that is - and dream of all the people out there shakin' their booties, eating fine cuisine, marrying your future wife thus destroying your lineage while you sit and stare at a digital readout of DVD creation progress and wait for it to finish.

*NOTE: #6 may not be a great reason.

Come On Feel The Majesty Snowbird

photo credit

As the months roll on, Old Man Winter stirs in his slumber waiting to awake, while Middle Aged Man Autumn has arrived large and in charge. When my thoughts draw to the cooler months I'm reminded of holidays, namely Christmas. And when I think of Christmas, I'm reminded of sleighbells, snow, and fat bearded men (I also think of fat bearded men when I think of pirates and square dances). I also think of none other than Sufjan Stevens, who has masterfully been cranking out great sounds for a while now, some very reminiscent of December 25th, the birth of Lord, and also the day an imaginary fat man in red comes down your chimney (very different than the day a REAL fat man in red comes down your chimney - that is the day of Red Dawn 2: They're Back...And They're Fat).

Another great thing that happens in the latter seasons of the year, namely Fall, is that bands take their shows on the road. This past weekend I saw Sufjan play one of his three shows at Town Hall in NYC. I'm happy to report it was awesome.

Sufjan has managed to recraft arrangements of his already wildly instrumented songs performing with an 8 piece string section, plus the already present horns, bells, banjos, and guitars to create an incredibly full, dreamlike sound. And since we've been talking so much about the winter months, I'm pleased to offer you an early Christmas gift. Head on over to Ryspace to get a full download of one of the weekend's live sets (there's a full set with appluase and banter, and a tighter track by track listing). This is my second offering of Sufjan holiday gifting to you in the past year. And I'm just regifting from other's sites, much like virtual fruitcake or bad sweaters - passing on what others gave to me (which is much better than fruitcake or a Faded Glory original).

I attended the Sunday show, which was packed out and a great time. It was truly an experience hearing the songs and seeing Sufjan and the Butterfly Brigade band come out in butterfly costumes and flood the air with thick sweet sounds of symphony. During "The Man Of Metropolis Steels Our Hearts" and "That Was The Worst Xmas Ever" people came through the crowd tossing out inflatable mascots - Superman's for "Metropolis" and Santa's for "Xmas". People hit them around like beach balls during the songs and you can hear the dolls squeaking and people laughing on the those tracks. Thanks to Ryspace and Brooklyn Vegan - 2 great music blogs - for the news on the shows and the track listings. Also, head over to Asthmatic Kitty to check out more Christmas themed news with more Sufjan Christmas albums on the way (CHRISTMAS IS COMING - YOU CANNOT ESCAPE IT).

Enjoy.