Brrrrrrrrrrr

It is really cold in New York City right now.

Go Get Filthy Dirty With Funny

This week is the 6th Annual Dirty South Improv Festival in Chapel Thrill, NC. Unfortunately, I won't make it to the fest this year, but it holds a special place in my juiced up improv heart. DSI was started by some old Comedy Sportz Chapel Hill friends and has been going strong, gaining steam over the past couple years, much like the popularity of Milli Vanilli in a hypercolor shirt in 1992. DSIF is also the first place I really started pursuing long form improv, when I attended last year's festival, which led me to eventually move to the NYC and study at the UCBT.

If you're in the Chapel Hill area this weekend, do yourself a favor and go see some shows (and go take a shower too, you bum. We don't pay you to come in looking like that.). Check the DSIF website for schedules and show locations. The freestyle rap battle (for which I hold last year's second place title, sucka) is tomorrow night and anyone can sign up for it via email (festival@dirtysouthimprov.com), so go flex your skillz homeboy. It's a great festival that hosts over 400 improvisers from all over the US and you can see some darn good improv. Some recommendations are the UCB Theatre team, The Beatbox, The Reckoning (oh good goodness go see The Reckoning - AMAZING), Show Pony, and The Bat (improv with the lights out...spooooooky). Here's a write up in the Herald Sun about the festival and it has a full schedule at the bottom.

And if you do make it to Chapel Hill, do a few things for me: go to Pepper's, get a black olive and feta slice with a salad, go to the Cat's Cradle and see a punk show and climb on stage and sing the lyrics without getting your nose broken afterwards, run through a sorority house screaming "Panty Raid" and when you're detained by campus police claim you were shouting "Fannie Mae" hailing your newfound stock success, drive over to Duke and slap Wojo and look at Reddick and say, "This is you in eight years", drive back, sprint through the quad and high five Roy Williams, and then wrap your arms around Davie Poplar tree and say, "Hey there big fella. I've missed you. And my arms have grown since I left since I'm wrapping them around you now."

Jungle Boogie

Lately I've talked about how funny monkey's are, and after seeing this ad this morning I'm convinced that singing animals are pretty hilarious as well. Especially when they're throwing an all night party in the jungle with Lionel Richie as their soundtrack. Personal highlight is the mouse that belts out "WHOA-OH!". Genius. That being said, putting this product in your body cannot be good for you.

Sweet Sweet Love

Happy Valentine's Day.


View this clip on Vimeo

Goin' Ape

One of my current projects at work right now is updating the Human Resources Happenings bulletin board so people in the office will know we're doing lots of things. I'm sure my additions will not turn many heads for two reasons: #1.) No one sees the board. Due to its horribly inconspicuous location, the first time I'd seen the HR Happenings board in the four months I've worked at the office was the other day when someone walked me over to it and showed me - in an area I pass through everyday and have remained blind to said board up until now. Reason #2.) I work for a corporate construction company - most people here care only about building skyscrapers, chewing nails, and arm wrestling.

Still, designing the new "happenin's" for the board has been the most fun and fulfilling task I've worked on in my entire career with this job. It's a little easier to infuse some creativity into work while using a design powerhouse like Microsoft Word (Yay! Autoshapes!) than into a task like filing or data entry (I have tried to creatively do those while dancing Bollywood style, but have been shut down each time by co-workers -- racists). One of my creative challenges to myself for designing the board was to put a picture of a monkey on something because monkeys are, well, hilarious. I accomplished my goal in the first piece I finished, about an upcoming financial seminar we'll be hosting. Here's the basic gist:


Proud of my first efforts, I was inspired to find more pictures of monkeys on the internet (thought I was gonna say "inspired to design another flyer and do more work didn't ya? - wellllll, not yet.). Here's a sampling of what I found:

This monkey is smoking. The James Dean of monkeys. The coolest at the zoo.















A monkey pleased with a job well done. Probably taken years ago when monkeys only used typewriters.





















Oh man. Stage monkey. Rock monkey. And in all truth, whatever this monkey is playing, it's probably better than any Puddle of Mudd song.
















This monkey is afraid of the Euro and the ever growing formation of the EU. Or he may be shocked and embarassed about his bad sweater.














Monkey mistaking a wooden railing for a piano.




















The monkey you picked on in high school. Well, that monkey invented Linux and is now married to a supermodel. Way to go dude. By the way, this monkey is also wearing a hoodie and a chain with his glasses. Just wanted to point that out.





















Shhhh. It's ok. Be strong, Beagle. Be strong. Hey, I bet that guy behind us wishes he could be held by a monkey friend too. But you know what? I'm here for you. For you, Beagle. C'mon - let's go play outside. You can run and bark, and I'll screech and throw my own poop. You'll feel better.

















LET GO OF MY DOG!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!















Score! They've got Dunston Checks In at Netflix! Okay, Monday night, don't make any plans....no, I don't care if Space Odyssey is more "dignified", Dunston is funny.


Oh man, monkeys are FUNNY. Seriously though, this picture is possibly the cutest picture I have ever seen. Stare at it for 10 seconds - it is impossible not to smile, tear up, and gorge yourself with a pint of Ben & Jerry's to drive away the adorableness of it.




















C'MON. 10 SECONDS. JUST STARE. SOOOO CUTE.

For more monkey fun, check out Super Bowl ad makers, CareerBuilder.com's website. Rob Douglas showed me this and it is genius. They have a monk-e-mail program where you can send talking monkey emails to your friends - or enemies. What better way to confuse an enemy than to send them a message from a monkey. And what better way to tell the love of your life you're completely devoted than to do it through a monkey. Pretty much, I think several world problems would go away if we used more monkey tactics. You can't take things so seriously that way. It's impossible. Really, think if every member of Congress was assigned a personal monkey to sit beside him or her in all meetings, just staring at the other deleagates (and monkey delegates). After a while, posturing, arguing, and fighting would be useless. Monkeys would be drinking water out of pitchers, scribbling on things, doing backflips, and doing that thing where they laugh and roll their lips back to show their teeth. Monkeys would make a stronger America. That's it, I'm starting my campaign. In 2008...

ROCK THE VOTE!

You Might Be An Actor If....

Tomorrow I have my first ever commercial audition. It is for a chewing gum commercial and I'm supposed to show up dressed like a "factory worker" - like a blue collar guy.

I will walk into the audition room looking like this:



















I'll let you know how it goes.

Brokeback Subway

This morning I got on the 8:30 subway to Times Square. Even though that's only 20 minutes later than my normal train, it is exponentially more crowded. As I transferred to the express train, I was enveloped in a sea of black coats as everyone crowded and pressed in closer than sardines, tight enough to make a spelunker claustrophobic. Would be passengers tried to muscle their way into the train until the doors did a reverse open-sesame and saved us from others trying to tighten our ride forward. Everyone was a little annoyed, sighing and resituating themselves to find extra pockets of space between each other, when a thug type guy beside me announced aloud, chuckling through a tough New York thug accent:

"I actually felt gay for a second there. I was all pressed up against a dude. Ha ha...."

Oh, Brooklyn Bound 2 Express Train... I wish I knew how to quit you.

Things I ACTUALLY Said To My Boss At The End Of Today As I Wished Her A Pleasant Upcoming Vacation

The following said with true well meaning yet filled with the awkwardness typical of office conversations

"Well have a good time....OOOOHHH, I'm so excited for you! Wow...have a good time."

and...

"Sun it up!"



Sun it up? Sun it up. Man..... Yep, sun it up, alright.