A Shot In The Head

I'm in a commercial auditioning class right now that is over tonight. The class has been a lot of fun. I'm taking it with two friends and we make up three of the four comedy actors in the class, so we spend a lot of time cutting up and laughing (note: cutting up brings back an instant memory of Uncle Joey from Full House doing his famous "Cut. It. OUT!" bit. Pure comedy gold). Lucky for us, the women that run the class are hilarious and don't seem to mind. Last week, while reading ad copy as a character I deemed as "Redneck On A Jog", I got the compliment (?) from the casting directors who run the class that I had kind of a Gary Busey thing going on. Fortunately this was just with my character and not with myself because I think Gary Busey is literally insane, the kind of insane that he'd take you in the desert and stand on a dune with you, put his hand on your shoulder and compliment you on what you have as "the stuff of a man....You're really tough and I think you're gonna go some places. This world needs guys like you...". Then he'd look deep into your eyes with that wily Gary Busey insane stare for about 3o seconds breathing steadily and heavy. Then he'd turn around as if to walk away from you before - BAM! - spinning around and almost jabbing you in the stomach but stopping short. "Gotcha!" he'd say with a crazy smile. Then he'd really punch you and leave you for dead in said desert.

So I'm glad that's not my "thing" for commercial acting, or for life in general.

Tonight we do our audition reading in front of two commercial agents that could result in possibly getting one of them as an agent (or maybe as a date if they're lonely). In typical putting-things-off-til'-a-later-time mode (and not to mention I-can't-afford-things-aside-from-my-rent-and-weekly-facial mode...whoops, secret's out), I figured if I got an agent out of the class, I'd get the actor necessities later and acquire headshots so I could actually go audition at some point. Headshots tend to be expensive, so for now they were out of the question, at least for a couple months. Until last week when one of the women that runs the class announced, "Next week bring three headshots and resumes for the agents!" After some scrambling, me and my friend Zach made plans to do shots with a friend who's trying to get more photography under her belt. Score.

As I've learned in my life of procrastination and last minute situations (which I've slyly manipulated into use now with improv comedy - it fits doesn't it?), when you are squeezed into a situation you just have to make due. So Sunday, Zach, Joanna, and I burned through seventy shots of film on a roof in the pouring rain with about 45 minutes of daylight left. Thank you Joanna.

Joanna usually likes to have her subjects listen to music while she shoots them to lighten the mood but due to dead boombox batteries, we were relegated to a tiny speaker attached to my iPod and a playlist of two songs, one being George Michael's "Freedom '90". Of course.

And tonight, we'll break a leg. And if we don't get signed, it might be the agent's. So watch out....




















Shooting in the rain. Note the iPod boombox so loud that Zach has to hold his ear.

Good To Know

Often when I wait for the subway I think about two things: where's that rat going, and what would I do if I fell on the tracks? The second question has caused me to come up with a few well thought out plans of escape. It's good to see that at least one of them works.

Germ Warfare

This morning on the subway I got hot due to all the layers I had on (and due to a general overload of my machismo and masculinity). So I took off one glove but I left the other one on. My reasoning - it will serve as a germ barrier between me and all I touch in public commuter spaces.

My mind flashed back to last night when I was in a small public bathroom and had nowhere to put my gloves down so I held them in my mouth. Bad move.

So this was in my mouth:





















Let's zoom in further:























Oh man. I need some Listerine. With bleach.

Meanderings and Wanderings Of The Day

Hey there, happy Hump Day, welcome to Wednesday, the official middle of the week. The week is chugging along chuggingly as the week goes on and New York reaches warmer temperatures this Winter. Maybe we should make a theme of it and take lessons from these guys.

I ate breakfast this morning had my monotony broken up by a hardcore anti-smoking commercial where a surgeon puts a brain on a table and cuts it in half like a Subway sandwich while a voiceover runs about how smoking causes blood clots. It cut to a close up of the brain being cut in half by the surgeon sandwich artist and as blood started to run out of a single spot the blood clot fell out. I stared at it with this look of horror on my face holding my banana and jelly breakfast sandwich. I actually screamed out, "Oh man!". It really stressed me out so I had to step outside and have a smoke. Which made me think of strokes and stressed me again. After a second cigarette, I came back inside and got ready to leave for work. The image of the Subway Brain Deluxe on wheat is now forever burned on my brain.

It's been a lazy day here, I've checked up on the news, etc. I love living in a city where people spend time making and building things just amuse others. And by the way, if you haven't downloaded Google Earth yet, it's a great way to explore, spy, and kill time. Unfortunately their Mac version isn't backdated to my un-Tiger-riffic version of Mac OS X. I ride the slow Panther.

Today at work I went to a lunch program on "Stress and Balancing Your Life Accordingly". I ordered the food for the event and decided to go. All in all, it ended up being an ok talk, a lot of positive thinking stuff, but hey, free turkey pastrami wrap, and a brownie and chips (which had trans fats in them, which caused stress about heart healthiness, so - cigarette #3 - this one in the building, so more stress about getting caught - voila - smoked two more at once). Highlights in the seminar: A chair fell over with a loud crash and the presenter said quitely, "It's only stressful if we choose to stress about it". And, speaking on why guilt can sometimes be a good motivator in accomplishing life goals (but eventually falls shorter than positive methods): "Guilt can be a good thing. It makes you not do certain things...like for instance I'm not going to go out and....steal everyone's newborn baby. (Pause) Why'd I just say that? Anyway..."

I went in a Duane Reade pharmacy today - pretty much a New-York-only pharmacy - and looked around for the generic version of Airborne tablets to fend off some scratchy throatness. Upon entering the back aisles - BAM! - I'm hit with blaring country music. That took me back home a little, hearing a sentimental radio country song, something I don't particularly like, but would hear a lot back home in various places. And it was followed up by the smash hit, As Long As You Love Me by the Backstreet Boys. That reminded me of home, namely Carowinds. You know, when you're walking all soaking wet from Rip Roarin' Rapids and the water smells faintly like sewage, and some kid is feeding all those carp under the bridge but throwing his gum on them and spitting lugees too, and then you walk by the Record Your Own Hit! booth and hear 3 out of tune 13 year old female voices, "I don't care whooo you ar - hey (giggle giggle) - GUYS! COME ON! (giggles) WOO! - as long as you loooove meeee"... that kind of memory resurfaced. Nostalgia? Ehhh, maybe when I have kids of my own.

Speaking of which - dun da da da dunnnnn - guess who's pregnant? No, not me. That'd be cool huh? Nah, not really. No, my sister! Yeah her and my brother-in-law, Alan, are expecting a little Holmberg this summer. He/She has been named Baby H by the families since they aren't finding out the gender yet. I have decided to rename it Cletus the Fetus for my own enjoyment as an upcoming uncle. More on Cletus to come.

If you're in NYC and reading this and don't have plans in 5 hours, look to the right of the page and check the time for tonight's improv show at UCBT featuring CHANTICO WARFARE the longform improv group I'm in. If you come to the show, give the suggestion, "Bay of Pigs". We've worked out so many scenes for that one.

And now....I go home.

But I leave you with this. Duuuuude.

Top Regret of 2005

I was not invited to this:


















Here's to a new year.

Windmills, Breakdowns, Pots, and Pans

This post is a throwback to an old video from a couple years ago. This was one of my favorite videos we did while I was at Lurecrest. It was made in the context of being in the Lurecrest summer camp culture and was best viewed there, but I think it has some staying power outside the camp world too. Here's the set up I gave it before we would show it in chapel (so pretend you're a 7th grade camper and you're sitting in an old open air chapel in the mountains of NC in July 2003, and you're tired, and it's 10 AM, and you're about to be blown away by video hilarity, and then I come out on stage to introduce it):

"We really enjoy having you guys here as campers this week, and we wanted you know that when you get older you can spend a summer working here if you're interested. It's really a fun time, and it's just awesome to be up here. When you're in high school the first job you can get here is working as a CrossTrainer which is our work crew program. The girls serve in the dining hall and the guys wash dishes and do trash runs, and it's hard work, but a lot of fun. We've got a great group of guys this year, and one in particular is a real, uh...asset to the team. He's really a hard worker and really gets into his job, more than anybody we've ever seen. It freaks the other guys out some, but they're getting along and getting used to his work style. Anyway, we figured we'd give you a look into what it's like being on work crew with this guy. So here you go, here's a video about him: Hardcore Man."



The video's also up on YouTube so if you're ever on that site look it up under "Hardcore Man" or "Hopesfall". The music is "The Far Pavillions" by Hopesfall. And thanks Ryan Russel for playing Hardcore Man and gorging yourself on brownies and hardcore dancing to no music for an hour.

Question The Answers

Greetings all, welcome to the first post of 2006. A new year, a new lease on life, and this being the 10th day of the new year, I'm not making much headway on my "Nip Procrastination In The Bud" goal. I promise more posts to come soon. There's much news to report - a new neighborhood, a new roommate, I'm enrolled in some new classes, and I just got some new shoes. Bonus!

For now, I'll leave you with some questions proliferating in my head today:

Was that lemon flavor in the leftover pound cake I just ate in the office breakroom natural? Did it come from real lemons?

Were the sprinkles that adorned the top of the pound cake's icing natural? Where do sprinkles come from? (Duh, everyone knows that. Something as colorful and fun as sprinkles aren't natural - but they aren't manmade either. They are excess explosions of glamour given off from Elton John's sequiny clothes. Useful excess, like how penicillin came from mold.)

I photocopied packets for "Diversity Awareness" at work that had clipart of a Hispanic woman, an Indian woman, a White man and a Black man all standing around an office desk. But how does that Sasquatch in our office feel? Pretty underrepresented I bet. And left out and sad. And don't say you can't find Sasquatch clip art. That's a weak excuse.

Why was it 55 degrees in New York City yesterday on January 9th? Why am I questioning that?

What is Wang Chung doing right now?



















(Duh, Wang Chung-ing. What is on this record anyway? 17 remixes of that one song?)