Mail For Hire

Klaus Meine, lead singer of the Soviet rock supergroup The Scorpions, spoke profound mysteries when he sang of the "wind of change" blowing through history - which occurs on the heels of his magnificent whistle solo in the song (second, in my book, only to Axl's whistle solo in Patience). The Scorps have graced humanity with other lyrical greatness - "Here I am, rock you like a hurricane" for instance - but the wisdom in Wind Of Change is their truest gem, shining like Mikhail Gorbachev's head. Other Scorpion highlights include their 1977 release entitled Virgin Killer that featured (among face melting rock, I'm sure) a completely nude young girl on the album cover. This Scorps' move...maybe not so great. Chalk it up to bad vodka from the motherland maybe and too many benefit concerts with Anthrax, Skid Row, and the Bullet Boys.

But Klaus was right - the wind of change continues to blow. For this stateside rocker as well. The reality show I work on is winding down, so I've been on the prowl for new employment (LITERALLY - in a full catsuit, prowling around. Not the best way to look for job, mind you).

Today I found this, on that cornucopia of cyber-links, Craigslist. One of the reasons I moved to NYC was to dive more headlong into the world of acting, so I figured a quick look at the list of Craig couldn't hurt (though strangely, if I'm not a young shapely model willing to go to strange locales, there are WAY fewer options).

Here's the listing:

Looking for a mail lead
We are a production company based in New York but shooting in Bulgaria. We have a short film that is going in Production end of January for 4 days in Bulgaria.We pay for tickets and hotel and also a daily rate.Every part is cast only we are looking for a male lead 20-25 -strong build body, inocent, sencetive but in the same time strong personality. Only experienced and serious actors.Please e_mail headshot and resume to luchiav@yahoo.com

A few things at this listing give me pause. One - unless I'm up for the part of Cliff Clavin from Cheers, I think I'll be going out for a male lead, as opposed to a mail one.

Two - this company claims to be out of New York, yet working in Bulgaria. However, the grammar and writing of the ad sound like they were written by Borat, or someone else who rolls with ESL. And maybe English is not their first language and they are working out of New York. No problem - it is an international city (I mean, I'm part Polish and Dutch myself, so I get it).

Still, the third thing that sticks out to me is the description for this 'Mail Lead':

-strong build body, inocent, sencetive but in the same time strong personality.

Besides being 'inocent' and 'sencetive', he must 'in the same time strong personality'. My friends, I have taken a few performances classes in my day and I will tell you that this total package is hard to come by. Not all 'sencetive' actors have a 'strong build body'. That's just the facts. And if you are a young 'inocent' mail actor, it's tough to showcase your 'strong personality' 'in the same time.'

While I still haven't secured a position after my position of Captain Awesome at the reality show (seriously - that's what I'm listed as in the company directory) expires, I think I'm gonna pass on this opportunity to see Bulgaria and do business simultaneously. However, I do hope they get someone for the 'mail lead'.

And I realize, I'm being a little hard on these guys. I mean, it was obviously written by someone who doesn't speak English as a first language, and they probably speak another native language, maybe a few languages, so props to them for knowing and speaking more than me. I mean, I know of a few language crossovers that have been big successes. In fact, a little Russian outfit called The Scorpions comes to mind. And those guys have done well. For starters, they released Virgin Killer.